Say No To Capitalism

on Thursday, January 27, 2011

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So this morning I woke up to my alarm clock, powered by city electricity which cost me twice as much as it would have without a government monopoly on power generation. I took a shower in water that is barely potable, dangerously caustic and polluted with lead, arsenic, and radioactive radon contaminants. It was over chlorinated with free chlorine and various chloramines, which were vaporized by my shower head. I enjoyed breathing the fumes as I reminisced about all those poor people who were gassed to death with the very same poison during WWII.

After that, I turned on my TV to one of the FCC regulated channels. I preferred to watch something reflecting real life,
so I turned on my dish network cable, but lamented the fact that
it too was tremendously overpriced because of government
protection. I tried to call customer service to cancel my
service, but was placed on hold for 45 mins before being auto-

I turned to my iphone and immediately determined, thanks to the
weather channel, that my day would be sunny. I looked forward to
hopping in my NHTSA approved car, but was saddened again when I
remembered that the car cost over $2,000 more because of safety
equipment I would never pay for if I had a choice. I mean really,
the SUV weighs 6,000 pounds; do I really need crumple zones?

As I pulled into the gas station near my home for a fill up, I
was pleased to note that the quality of my gasoline was regulated, costing me $2.49 per gallon instead of the tax-free price of $1.87. Those taxes sure are worth it! Now if only they could regulate the quality of everything else in my life, and
charge me 21% more for the service! I had forgotten to eat my breakfast, but that was okay because I had lost my appetite thinking of all those poor little animals that were abused with tractors and fork lifts, skinned alive while screaming, and covered in urine and feces under the watchful eye of USDA. I wondered as I drove in bumper to bumper traffic why I had seen the USDA inspectors on Youtube hidden camera ignoring all of the things from which I trusted them to protect me.

I almost hit a car in front of my during my deep thought exercise, but looked forward to hopping on the toll road for $1.57, which would get me to work 1 hour earlier. I wondered why there was so much traffic on the public roads.

When I arrived at work I purchased a Coke from the machine with legal tender issued by the Federal Reserve Bank. I noticed that the price of soda had been rising by about 2-10% per year, and w ondered why everything seemed to be getting more expensive. I'd probably know why if I had paid attention in public high school... but I realized that none of my co-workers really knew either. Someone mumbled something about inflation, but I think
he was probably some conspiracy theory nut job.

On my way home I dropped a letter at the US post office, where the kind gentleman assured me that my overnight letter would probably reach its destination in 1-2 days. It was a payment for my fire insurance which was due the next day, and I really hoped that those guys were improving because I heard they lost eight billion dollars last year. That sure sounds like a lot of money, but not really I guess. The government just gave all those banks a lot more than that. Besides, I thought, I don't really need fire insurance because my home was inspected by the city fire marshal.

I arrived home after fighting traffic again for a couple of hours, and considered buying satellite radio because the regular radio was so boring. I heard some talk show guys were fined for saying inappropriate stuff so much they moved to satellite
instead. I wonder what they could have been saying, I was pretty sure we had free speech rights in the US, but I couldn't be sure.

High school was pretty boring too. I think maybe it was one of those amendments to the constitution, or something, but no one really cares about the constitution so it doesn't matter anyway. My house was still standing and all my stuff was still there. I
lamented that my material possessions might be a little more comfortable if I hadn't been required to pay all that tax money back in April, but I was happy that it went to pay for useful stuff like the police, and military.
I wasn't sure why they cost so darn much, but I figured it was probably because making guns is so dangerous and expensive, or maybe because they don't have enough unions, or maybe the government just wasn't spending enough money on developing green technologies for them. I logged on to the internet which was developed by Al Gore back in the '90s to write to Paul Krugman about about how free markets are wrong and asked him to give more money to the DOT, NHTSA, FDA, USDA, and FCC so they can make our world a better place.